I wish I didn’t have this on my back

My back is breaking

 

I carry the honor of my ancestors like a boulder on my back.

 

My back is breaking

 

Because if I love too much tonight, if I drink too much tomorrow, if I care too little today

 

What will my future children think of me, and

 

What will their friends make of their mother, and

 

Will they be ridiculed for being the child of a wretched woman or

 

Will my actions even really affect them, and

 

Why do I care if my uncle in Kabul judges me or

 

Why is my spine curving like a slope, a

 

Slippery slope that if I go down I might just ruin the legacy of my great grandfather

 

Or I may give room for people to slander our family name, and

 

I am so so so tired of carrying the honor of my tribe on my back

 

I want to throw away this label “woman” and run away because sometimes

 

I am not feminine or coy or modest and most times I am

 

Loud and obnoxious and I say too much and act like I care too little, and

 

That’s not what my Bibi would have wanted and

 

I wish I didn’t have this on my back

I wish I didn’t have this on my back

I wish I didn’t have this on my back.

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3 Responses to I wish I didn’t have this on my back

  1. Wow, I just came upon this piece!! I love it!! I have visited your blog before and have always enjoyed your writing and perspective. Do you mind if I republish this on an English language weekly that is printed and posted online by an English language center in Kabul?

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